With almost every Indian eagerly awaiting the 2014 General Elections even more than the 2014 Football World Cup, SONY Television has decided to cash in on the opportunity and has launched a new game show involving celebrity politicians. Initially, it was supposed to be named “Sawal 10 Crore Ka – Dobara”, but later it was changed to “Sawal 272 Seats Ka” when none of the biggies of the Indian Politics were interested in the size of the prize of 10 Crores except for Salman Khurshid who only wanted 70 lacs. Standup Comedian Kapil Sharma has been identified as the host, after Arnab Goswami, the original choice, stated that he would both ask and answer the questions himself.
Each episode would have 2 teams, each consisting of a politician and a non-politician. The team that emerges the winner in the few mind-throttling rounds of question and answers will go home with a confirmed seat in the next General Elections. For the safety of its high profile contestants, the show wouldn’t have any live audience. Navjot Singh Sidhu will do all the clapping and laughing. Here are the excerpts from the pilot episode of the show exclusively for our readers.
The curtains go up, unveiling the set which is a replica of the Indian Parliament. Kapil Sharma enters the stage sporting a bright white kurta.
Kapil Sharma: Hello and welcome ladies and gentlemen to Sawal 272 Seats Ka. We have in our show tonight, Narendra Modi and Virat kohli representing the team “Chaddi Pehen Ke Kamal Khila Hai” and on the other side, we have Rahul Gandhi and Shobha De from the team “Apna Haath, Bholenath”.
Navjot Singh Sidhu howls with laughter and vigorously thumps the table in front of him, breaking it in the process.
Kapil Sharma: (annoyed at Sidhu’s shenanighans) Aur thoko taali! Ye table hai Sidhu ji, Asaram Babaji ka thullu nahi. Anyways moving on, first round will be a political-cum-musical antakshari where the teams will have to counter each other with a song. Shobha ji, ladies first.
Shobhaa De: (ogling at NaMo) Tu cheez badi hai mast mast.. tu cheez bada hai ma…
Kapil Sharma: Enough Shobha ji. Virat, your turn. Start with M.
Virat Kohli: Maada..
Kapil Sharma: Hold it right there. It’s a family show.
Virat Kohli: What! I was going to sing, “Maada laadla bigad gaya”. Anyways, I’ll sing another. “Meri pyari behen…”
Kapil Sharma: Chup hoja oye!!! Rahul Ji, N is your word
Rahul Gandhi: Nanha munha raahi hun, desh ka sipahi hun. bolo mere sang jai hind, jai hind.
Kapil Sharma: Waah munna! Modi Ji, D.
Narendra Modi: Dharti sunahri, ambar neela, har mausam rangeela. aisa gujarat hai mera.
Kapil Sharma: Theek hai. This round goes to the team “Apna Haath, Bholenath” for its members’ cleaner song selection. (Modi stares at Virat Kohli, who responds with ‘What?’) The scores are,
Apna Haath, Bholenath: 1
Chaddi Pehen Ke Kamal Khila Hai: 0
Kapil Sharma: Now it’s time for the second round. In this round, the politician from each team will debate why they deserve to take home a seat in the Parliament using a movie punchline. Rahul ji, you start.
Rahul Gandhi (puts on a Batman mask, and says in a gruff voice): Modi ji, I think your party is the one India deserves, not the one it needs right now. Your party has fallen apart in your selection as the potential PM candidate.
Narendra Modi: Oh! You are talking about Advani ji. Don’t worry. (puts on his best Marlon Brando accent) I will make him an offer he can’t refuse. You tell me. What’ve you got?
Rahul Gandhi (in an emotionally choked yet proud voice): Mere paas maa hai.
Narendra Modi (moves close to Rahul and lifts his chin up gently): Beta, tumse naa ho paayega. (Rahul Gandhi blinks)
Kapil Sharma (after a few seconds of silence): Wow, Modi ji knocks out Rahul. He takes the second round. The scores are even!
Apna Haath, Bholenath : 1
Chaddi Pehen Ke Kamal Khila Hai : 1
Kapil Sharma: Finally, the rapid fire round. We’ll start with Virat. (turns to Virat) In which year did India acquire independence?
Virat Kohli: 1947 BC
Kapil Sharma: Wrong answer. It’s actually 1947 AD.
Virat Kohli: I meant 1947 only. The rest was by habit.
Kapil Sharma: Can’t help it. Shobha ji, your turn. As a citizen of India, what are you entitled to pay to the government with regards to your income?
Shobhaa De: Se…er… I mean tax.
Kapil Sharma: I’ll give you that. Modi ji, question for you. What is the speed limit on Indian roads?
Narendra Modi: It depends. For instance, if a puppy comes under your wheels…
Kapil Sharma (interrupts): I guess you meant to say it varies; well, I’ll give that to you. Rahul ji, if you answer this one, you win. What is the current GDP of India?
Rahul Gandhi (flamboyantly): GDP is just a state of mind.
Kapil Sharma (stares at Rahul): Umm… no, not really. So we are tied here.
Apna Haath, Bholenath: 1
Chaddi Pehen Ke Kamal Khila Hai: 1
No problem. We have something planned as the tie-breaker. Let me introduce to you the man who will announce the victor (turns towards the right) Yogi ji!
Yogendra Yadav enters the stage, and smiles in his usual affected manner. He pulls out a piece of paper from his kurta pocket.
Yogendra Yadav: Kapil, we conducted a scientific sample survey among the audience watching this show on TV. According to this survey, 75% of the people want Aam Aadmi Party to be declared as the victor, and averred that AAP should get the confirmed Parliament seat.
At this, out of sheer habit, Navjot Sidhu bangs the table and goes HAHAHAHAHA! The rest stare at each other in confusion. Modi pulls out a sword from somewhere, and rushes towards Yogendra Yadav. Rahul meanwhile, starts crying, “Mummy. Ye cheating hai”. Virat gets back to doing what he does best, and gives Yogi the finger. Only, Shobha De seems unperturbed, and continues staring at Narendra Modi.
